Opiates and me!

How I ended up using heroin.

My struggles with my mental health have led me to self medicate since I was thirteen. I have fought various addictions as I have bounced from one drug to the next in search of inner peace and happiness. The one drug I never thought I would take though was herion. I used to see heroin users and look at them almost in disgust if I’m to be honest that was until I fell in to the trap myself.

Here’s the story of my experiences with opiates and how I ended up addicted to heroin…..

 

As I said I never thought I would use heroin I mean how bloody stupid would you have to be to use such a drug? You only have to look at the average heroin addict on the streets of any city to know that its an awful, destructive waste of time right? Well that’s what I always thought until I stupidly wondered blindly into the loop myself.  I’ve always used drugs as a coping mechanism and was open to taking just about any drug really except for heroin that was.

Shortly before my rollercoaster with opiates began I had recently started to dabble with prescription med’s mostly benzos and barbiturates. Well a guy I knew offered me some morphine tablets and giving that I hadn’t had any negative experiences with prescription pills I naively accepted them. Now I lie to you not these drugs are bloody good you really do feel great. Anxiety, depression and traumatic memories are wiped out, for me even my thoughts that usually are so rapid that I struggle to hold a conversation without getting dizzy were slowed down to a point were I could function comfortably. I quickly developed a real taste for opiates I mean why wouldn’t I they are the perfect medication or so I thought. For the first few months I didn’t have a physical dependency either I didn’t wake up sick or feel I needed to score I could handle this. No worries. How wrong I was!

I began buying any pain meds I could morphine, codeine, tramadol, oxycodone and whatever else I could acquire and I was munching pills daily under the false belief it was no big deal and I was in complete control. Until I woke up one morning and I felt absolutely awful I was sick, tired, shaky and sweaty it was like I had flu and at first I thought I was just sick but then when I popped a few pills all the symptoms disappeared. “Shit this isn’t good” I thought and that’s when I should of made the decision to knock these drugs on the head but I didn’t. The psychological relief I got from opiates was just to dam good, ridiculously I figured so long as I didn’t run out it wouldn’t be a problem I didn’t consider the rising tolerance that was creeping up slowly or what happens if I cant get hold of any pills. What then?

Then it happened I ran out of pills and I couldn’t get any from any where. I was so sick it was unbearable so much worse than the last time and I had things to do that day I just couldn’t afford to be sick. During my frantic efforts to acquire some pills I was offered heroin “no way” I said at first and the guy I was speaking to told me its just the same as the pills I had been taking and I could just use it this once until I got more pills there’s no harm in that. So I did what a fool I was you see heroin was much cheaper than morphine or oxycodone, far stronger and lasted longer too. I was caught hook line and sinker just like that I became a heroin user.

I ended up addicted to heroin for a few years and it was a wild rollercoaster journey with some pretty good ups and many traumatic downs. The truth is that although heroin is obviously a terrible and destructive drug its also a very effective drug that does help you deal with psychological issues. Its just the negatives the dependency, sickness, the cost and the social stigma to name a few completely out weigh the positives so be assured its not worth using. I am absolutely not endorsing it! But there is a reason there are so many addicts out there because the pain caused by trauma can be very hard to deal with and heroin regardless of whether its good or bad does take away the pain if only for a while. Thankfully I no longer use any opiates and I haven’t done for a long time now and I can also honestly say I never intend to again. But that’s the story of how I ended up using heroin.

Thanks for reading,

Peace x

 

addict

 

 

 

 

 

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